Neglected

I have two younger siblings who are twins. A boy and a girl. (Actually, now they are more like a guy and a lady…they grow up so fast!)

I remember when they were toddlers, you couldn’t give one of them something, and not give the other, unless you love headaches from a screeching 2-year old. You must be sure to have enough for both of them at the same time: the ice-cream must not only be the same size, but the exact same flavor.

If my mother playfully carried my brother, spun him around before giving him a peck on his dimple-dented cheek, my mother would have to repeat the exact same routine for my sister for peace to reign. Oh, mum had to forget all signs of her personal fatigue and the differing sizes between both children. It’s the rule: no one must feel neglected.

Well, a recent irritated feeling reminded me of that golden rule, except the twins are two versions of me: my future self and my present self.

I realized that I give all my time and devotion to my future self. I walk into my room, and on my desk are detailed plans on how I plan to reach my financial, business, and career goals. My wall is decorated by a mosaic of pictures that remind me of what my vision and future life should look like. The flourishing businesses, the financial stability, the thriving relationships, and the extensive list of destinations I plan to visit.

My vision for the future is a space I constantly dwell in on a daily basis, and it feels so darn good to dream and plan for my future self. But I’ve done it so much that I can sense the not-so-silent-anymore nagging of my present self. I have neglected to live in the moment … I hardly pause to smell the roses. My present self doesn’t feel any love, attention, or care because I have already subconsciously deemed my current situation as unworthy of my time and devotion. Now, I ask myself: by focusing on the destination and neglecting to focus on the vehicle that will take me there, how do I expect to ever reach that destination?

Not living in the present robs one’s hike to the top of some tantalizing stories to tell at the peak. It is possible, but tragic, to climb this mountain called life, and not have anything to look back on.

I owe it to my future self to be fair to my present self. The fair deal is to enjoy every single day of my life (by scouting out for the silver lining in every situation), while I plan for my future… living a balanced life. Sure, my present self may not be who I ultimately desire to be, but I must remember that she sure did go through a lot of challenging moments to bring me from my past self (another self that sometimes gets more love). The least I can do is acknowledge her, uplift her, and appreciate her. She may not be perfect, but she sure is strong and is working hard for the sake of my future self. She’s worthy too. Embrace her, love her, cherish her, thank her, and she is sure to respond positively on the way to the top. After all, she is the only one that is present, unlike the others.

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